For my girls

Today I had a great meeting with my girlfriends and I left with my heart full of love. It is so amazing to me how Yahweh puts people together that are totally different in the natural but can meet in the spirit and be on one accord. I love these women and I thank Yahweh for them. I treasure them and I look forward to sharing life experiences together. This is just for my girls.

It's okay to cry

Well yesterday was an emotional day for me, Mike and I went through some personal issues and I found myself creating an arguement to get some attention. Now you may find this kind of crazy but it really isn't. If you have ever been in a relationship you know there are things that are considered touchy subjects, well that's where we were. His reaction to this subject just does not bring about a desired result and because of that we do not talk about it even though I have feelings also. I don't want to bring it up because then it makes for a long day, however I have been just thinking about it for months and now on the day we are suppose to do something about it I can't take it anymore and I start off with a well I need you emotionally today and he is like what are you implying. To make a long story short I am implying because he is hanging out later after I am in bed that he is not being sensitive to the situation we are going through right at that moment. What I really needed was to cry and I mean one of those cries that all you want to do afterward is go to sleep because you have a headache and your eyes are so tired. I am sharing this because I think of myself as strong but there are times that I just want to be held and cry in my husband''s arms no matter what he may be thinking or how it makes him feel. I realize that you have to say some things that may be uncomfortable for each other to hear but it is worth it. I can not be growing up in the things of Yahweh and shrinking back from the things right in my face because I do not want to make things bad if we are having a good day. When we took those vows it said for better or for worse and if your having a for worse day just express yourself with honey on your tongue. I am giving myself permisson to ask to be weak on certain days, share my heart and then cry. I started the arguement, I got to the root of the problem, explained myself, and then proceeded to cry for about a good 15 min . My husband just took me and cradled me in his arms and rubbed my back and kissed my cheeks and didn't say a word. I want to cry again just thinking about it. It was such a break through for me and we proceeded to take care of our personal matter for the day and there was a barrier forever broken. I am not a wimp just a woman who needs to cry sometimes with the support of her husband and that's OKAY!!!!!

My Dreams and My Focus

I did not realize it had been so long since I last blogged well here I am. I realized something over the last couple of days I have dreams and I want to realize them however have I let them come out of my mind. As you know I love clothing and everything about it. I would love to dress the whole world if I could, I love to see people looking their best. Now what have I done about it, I have taken a couple of friends shopping, gave advice, had a workshop at a Women's Shelter, and figured out the name of the company. I wonder why you get motivated about something that your passionate about and then it seems to fade.

I have also realized that Yahweh has placed me on the security team at my church to effect certain changes. He has also showed me that I would be close to the pastor's wife and would be traveling with them. These things are beginning to happen and I am very excited and at the same time thinking of what I should be doing next.

My marriage has grown tremendously this year I am beginning to see the prayers that I have prayed come to pass in a mighty way. My husband and I are on on accord with many things that are taking place in our lives and this just thrills me. He has become sweeter as the days go on and Yahshua has broken down that middle wall of separation and he has definetely brought peace to my home. We are now focused on having a family and the intimacy has gone to a new level between us. I feel like a teenager again.

I write all this to say my dreams are to walk out being an effective instrument in the body of Christ, an image/style consultant, an executive security agent, a teen mentor and role model for all women, a mother, a great wife, and a personal trainer.

I also want to be fluent in Spanish, learn Sign language, take Salsa lessons, run a 5k marathon and start bike riding.

I desire life and that more abundantly just as Yahshua promised however that first step in some things just seems hard sometimes and then when you take it you think now what. The answer is really simple, go back to the word and see what Yahweh has to say about it. These things may seem right to me to want to accomplish however I don't make the decisions I follow the directions given. Seek ye first the kingdom, acknowledge him in all your ways, meditate on the word day and night, attend to his words, he always causes us to triumph. Sometimes the best way to take the next step is to focus on what got you there in the first place. The things I would like to do in this life come second to Yahweh's will for me in this life. I am focused and willing to learn my destiny one step of faith at a time and being patient in between steps.

None

I just wanted to write something today not even sure what but I just had the urge to blog. I have been noticing things around me seem to be moving in slow motion and it is really weird. It is almost funny because it seems impossible to live in NYC and be slow. However I am beginning to appreciate quiet time and actually requiring it throughout the day. I believe that I am learning how to be still and know that Yahweh is working on my behalf at all times. Casting your cares not a new concept but one that I am operating in to another level. I just don't have any worries and that seems to worry me, how silly is that. You can be so conditioned to being busy and trying to figure out everything for the next month that you can't enjoy today. Well I am going to enjoy today and the next day and the rest of the week. Calm and at rest that is what I am.

Cleaning the House

This post is exactly what the title says, I am having a little bit of a challenge cleaning the house. Lately I have been working longer hours and then when I get home I just want to rest. In the meantime it seems as if clutter is just sneaking into my house. I really need help, I do not like to have cluttered space and I also don't like to spend all my time doing it. By the way it is 8:40am and I got up really motivated to clean so far I have signed up for a class, read my friends blogs and now I am posting a blog. So much for cleaning, I need a system to keep the house clean and a husband that thinks that cleaning is a priority not an option. I am a little overwhelmed because I want the entire apartment clean now and the way I like it which would take me about 6-7 hours of non-stop cleaning to get it just right. Who has that kind of time? Okay, the bell has sounded and I am ready for round 1. (good Lord I hope this fight doesn't go all 12 rounds) Pray for me!!!

Just do the Word

I don't have much to say, the title of this blog says it all. I have been meditating on the word all week, and I had to ask myself and you IS THE WORD YOUR FINAL AUTHORITY? If it is then DON'T COMPROMISE even a little bit, what ever your opinion is if the word says otherwise, CHANGE IT. No matter where you are in your faith walk if you know better then it is your responsibility to do better. Hear the word; Apply the word; Read the word; Obey the word. Yahweh has made it simple, tell your flesh to back off!!!!!!!!

Adjustments

I just came from seeing a friend that I have not seen in 6 years and you want to know the first thing I noticed, nothing has changed in her life. This brought me to such a place of grief because I now can see very clearly how life plays out without Yahweh in it. I did my best to talk to her however she has chosen for now to remain the same. I stayed up late last night just thinking while she was sleeping and wondering if she would ever let Yahweh in. This then brought me to a conclusion about myself because when we were talking I had her repeat herself a few times because I did not hear what she had said and she made the comment" Have you gotten deaf in your old age and I replied no you are not speaking loud enough". So this comment keeps playing in my head because for those of you who didn't know in May 2006 the doctor told me I have otoscoleosis which has caused 30% hearing loss in one ear and 35% in the other.

What Yahweh was showing me is that I have made adjustments for this disease. Some of the adjustments are: turning up the TV, asking if the person can repeat, just smiling or laughing when I don't hear what was said, or telling the person you don't realize how low you are speaking. Also, it's not a problem until a comment is made and then I give an excuse and resume normal. How is it that I have a promise of healing and divine health and I find myself not choosing this but the subtle deception of adjustments.

I have advanced in my spiritual life by leaps and bounds this year and yet this hearing problem has been going on for 2yrs. I have been at this place before where I get angry and begin confessing the word and crying out to Yah and praying however this lasts for a couple of weeks or maybe a month and then I let up and adjustments comes right back in. I have a title deed to my healing in the word and yet my house is empty, I have yet to occupy this space. If it is in the word then that means it exists somewhere and it is my job to have the angels bring it to me. I realize that the more I confess the word and plant the word in my heart and send the angels out; they then begin to build a bridge between the spirit and the physical realm. When the bridge is complete then your promise walks across that bridge from the spirit to the natural and manifestation has just taken place.

I declare that this is the last time I am going to be in this place of subtle deception, I am now going to make an adjustment in the spirit and get aggressive about what belongs to me. I am building my bridge and expecting healing to walk over, In the name of my Healer Yahshua ha Moshiach!!!!